That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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