Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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