What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
