I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
3pm strippers are depressing
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Randomize
