I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
