I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
