I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
