i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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