Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
