i may or may not be watching the land before time
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
