just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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