separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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