the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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