even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
