Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
