Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
