in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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