Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
