don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
