Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
