We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
