So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
