All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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