You work out of a Hotel?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
