there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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