What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
