Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
