He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
