He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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