she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
