i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
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