Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
