Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
