I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Randomize
