He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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