he shaved USA in his pubs
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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