We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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