i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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