his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
