I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
