I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
