I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Randomize
