Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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