How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
