Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
