I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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