He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I will be naked everywhere
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
