Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
