That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
