Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
