So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
